Where to even start?

How about- I’m so sorry to my readers for completely being M.I.A for the past 4.5 months….. Luckily for all of you, my bestie Ashley has been on my butt about getting going again- so here we are! 🙂 BUT, FOR REAL….. Where does the time go??! A LOT has happened in these four months- Yes, good, some challenging but you better believe FULL of CHAOS!! What other way is there??

• I had a birthday- YAY for 29!!
• I moved BKB studio (yet again!)- YAY for growth + a BIGGER and WAY better space!!
• Ellie turned 3!- BOO, my baby is getting SO BIG!
• The HOLIDAYS. Enough said.
• Sickness for both girls x2 = Quarantined January.
• Ava is FINALLY crawling and is literally EVERYWHERE!
• We have officially hit Threenager phase with Ellie and my hands are full ALL of the time.

Let’s get vulnerable. The past few months have brought on a lot of reflection of my life- where it is and where I’d like it to go. Sometimes I think I have it narrowed down and then all of a sudden I feel like I’m back at square one. Over all life is good, but I find struggles in balancing. A LOT. Its like I’m riding a Maverick wave. Those beasts go really high but then they also come crashing down. Right now, I’m really trying to focus on my relationship with God and finding Joy in my everyday life.

When I say that, that doesn’t mean things are bad. Its just BUSY, BUSY, BUSY. I find myself so consumed by what has to continuously get done that I forget to stop and enjoy what I’m getting done and experiencing in the now. I’m a perfectionist by nature and it literally can get the best of me at the worst times. Honestly, I’ve been super overwhelmed.

Being a working mom is no joke. Being a working mom who owns a business is even harder (at least for me.) I also have been on the other side as a full time SAHM and thats hard too, but a totally different perspective. BKB is growing fast and there is no amount of words for how grateful I am for that. However, Im not quite in the place to hire someone on to do my marketing, numbers, orders, inventory, etc. which means- even if I am not physically at work cutting the hairs (As Ellie would say) there is plenty of work that still needs to be done. I have a hard time leaving that at the door when I get home, not to mention thank you smart phone for making it possible to have contact 24/7 via email, text and phone calls- making it feel darn near impossible to disconnect. Thus I have a hard time balancing nurturing my business when I want to really nurture my babies. Bring on the maverick.

One of my biggest fears is I’m going to screw up my kids or damage them. I LITERALLY worry about this on almost a daily basis right now. (We all have life experiences) Like I said above, Ellie has hit threenager phase. (Who ever said 2 was hard…LIES.) I’ve said it many times before she is pint sized and DETERMINED. This child does not back down for anything. In some ways I really admire this quality about her, but in the middle of the days tug o’war I often wonder how much I’m at fault and have I created something horrible…..that might sound harsh to say but when you have experiences as a parent that put you from calm to feeling like an adrenaline junkie in 1.5 seconds you start to second guess your self on whether or not you can master said parental skills- when your 3 year old is so ticked at the store (YOU KNOW where I was.) because she wanted a chocolate chip cookie but instead they offered her a sugar cookie- that she literally throws it across the store and ensues in a total melt down, you not only go through the emotion of feeling embarrassed because everyone is staring at you but wonder what in the world??! Where did my child go and how did this just happen? You feel so defeated when there is no consoling or a way to make it better because she made up her mind that she was having a chocolate chip cookie. Except she wasn’t and I’m not going to beat my child to get her to stop. JS. So I grab what I absolutely need at lightening speed and bolt outta there. No pun intended.

Please know, anyone who meets Ellie will tell you she is a good child and she is! But she will test her momma like no one else (I think kids have a club set up for this or something. ALWAYS test mom more than anyone else. Like for real, LEGIT.) Most days are great, but when the hard times come they are REALLY hard. (I’m an extrovert so I naturally exert my energy out all day long; these experiences literally drain me.) One thing we are trying to change is not giving her options. That almost sounds silly but because she is so opinionated we forget that she isn’t at an age of accountability or that she doesn’t really understand whats at stake or how to measure. She knows what she likes and what she doesn’t like based off her current life’s experiences (3 years is short!) so its our jobs to mold them and encourage new experiences so they grow.

One thing I find my self constantly doing (I have no idea how this became) is saying “Okay?” after I tell her I want her to do something. SHOOT me in the foot right there. How stupid is that? I want you to do this, but is that okay with you? OF COURSE it isn’t okay with her. I’m interrupting quality play time AND who cares if its snowing- who wants to wear boots when she just got new light up princess shoes? Its so funny to really think about it because as a parent you just want whats best for your child. BUT that doesn’t mean getting approval from them, whether you realize your asking for it or not. Sometimes its hard though because you see it so much in todays society, these little things that are “normal” to do, yet make a HUGE difference in how they react and obey. Sometimes being a parent means finding and taking responsibility in your own trial and errors in raising your kids. I mean, I don’t think anyone has the thought of ” Id like to raise a jerk.”- At least I hope not! We have to be able to share hard times with each other and not worry about being judged because the outcome was not what we were hoping. We need to share what works for each other and see if that may work for us too.

This is one of my many goals this year. To be connected.

• in the now, with my kiddos
• with my husband, even when he might not understand what I’m experiencing.
• to myself, and taking better care of me and my needs.
• to a support group of awesome momma’s.

And disconnected when needed from work. Because in the end there is always work. Our kiddos are only little once, these hardships will only last for so long, these emotions will at one point be a memory and then laughter of the thought, how did I make it through and where did the years go? At the end of the day there needs to be joy, REAL JOY even in the middle of the chaos. I’m starting to find mine.

*What are some things that work for you and your little ones in behavior struggles? Charts? Rewards program? Time out? Redirection? I would love for you to share your ideas and experiences with me!